Have you ever ‘liked and shared’ one of those holiday giveaway posts where the company name has a full stop after it? Have you ever tagged someone who you think would also like to win one of those motorhomes that the manufacturer can’t sell because they are last Thursday’s stock?

If the answer to either of these questions is ‘yes,’ I also assume that you need guidance regarding how to breathe in and out on a minute-by-minute basis.

I also assume that you are the sort of hapless simpleton who insists upon ending every Facebook post and comment with their full name like they are sending handwritten correspondence to Lady Grantham.

You know the sort. The person on your friends list who types ‘Happy Birthday’ as a status update, labouring under the impression that it will reach its intended recipient.

Just ask yourself this. Why in Greek buggery would the CEO of a large holiday company (or a flight attendant with the juiciest of juicy shirt potatoes) put a load of holidays in a load of boxes and frantically try to give them away?

Have you never heard of the term ‘like farming?’

To make matters worse, there’s always one poor sap who thinks that they have an increased chance of winning this imaginary cloud cuckoo land prize bonanza if they go into massive amounts of detail about why they should be picked.

‘OMG Shellz Gapehole hv u seen this there given awey 14 nites in disney I wud luv too win this price as ive had an alfal year furst we found out that Panasonic is allarjic to Fanta then Samsung got taken of me because I got his frenulum piersed.’

If you are pinning all of your hopes on a moody Facebook contest from Virgin Atlantical, your year is about to get a sh*te sight worse.