Fellow passengers and commuter rights groups have been describing their OUTRAGE after a 72-year-old man was forcibly ejected from a train by people who were sitting around him.

According to witnesses a furious argument developed after he was accused of ‘farting persistently’ in a designated QUIET ZONE.

A spokesperson for the London to Southend train operator confirmed that the incident is being investigated as a matter of extreme urgency.

Marlon Fromp was sitting a few rows away from the fracas earlier this afternoon, and he told Southend News Network’s Chief Reporter: ‘Shortly after we left Fenchurch Street station, I kept hearing a low-pitched flapping noise from the same area, and after a few minutes a young woman in a business suit started frantically flapping her copy of The Daily Mail while taking a very aggressive tone towards the poor gentleman.’

‘A few minutes later, she reminded him that the carriage was a designated quiet area, but tempers were beginning to flare all around as he air-conditioning wasn’t working and it must have been 26 degrees in there – these are the perfect conditions for what a metereologist would call a ‘linger-longerer.’

Mr Fromp continued: ‘The elderly gentleman kept apologising in a polite and dignified manner about a number of medical conditions, but the lady’s visible cleavage and immaculate make-up encouraged a few male passengers to step in and try to win her over with their Red Bull-fuelled attempts to be her Knight In Shining Armour.’

‘As far as they were concerned, nothing says ‘give me your phone number’ more than throwing a helpless pensioner head-first onto a crowded platform at Barking station, and she was obviously impressed.’

An official from the British Transport Constabulary said: ‘We are investigating an incident this afternoon involving a young professional female, five males and an elderly male pensioner.’

‘Enquiries are ongoing, but a number of witnesses have said that she was unwilling to give her contact details to the men who were involved.’

‘Leading men on within railway carriages for personal gain is a growing problem, and we are keen to speak to the lady involved as it sends out the message that this behaviour will not be tolerated.’

Marcus Titzup from c2c added: ‘We are reviewing our Quiet Zone guidelines as we speak, and any rule changes will be heavily publicised on board all trains.’

‘However, our message towards those who want to behave in this disgusting anti-social manner is clear.’

‘While it is OK to sit in a designated quiet area and scream into a mobile phone about how you are going to blow a grand at the weekend in some god-forsaken Mayfair drinking pit with a group of fellow 80’s-throwback Wolf of Wall Street wannabes, inconsiderate bodily functions will not be tolerated.’


  1. Wowser, I’ve never come across such a situation commuting home to Southend Victoria on Greater Anglia. Mind you going home in the evening I always have most of the carriage to myself even though much of the train is crammed.

    PS can thoroughly recommend lunch each day at the Ffartenfolothroo Cafe on Bishopsgate. Their egg sandwiches are a delight as is their fig cake – especially when washed down with a couple of glasses of fresh prune juice.