A spokesperson for the Houses of Parliament has confirmed that a debate will take place in May where MPs will discuss making it legal to hit persistent inspirational meme posters with a brick.

According to a preliminary white paper that has been seen by Southend News Network, research has shown that 85% of violent incidents in the United Kingdom occur within three minutes of the perpetrator seeing someone post utter cringeworthy, sick-churning bollocks superimposed onto a meaningless image of some woman with large knockers walking barefoot on a beach.

The Conservative MP for West Canewdon Sir Miles Niles proposed the original motion, and he told our Chief Reporter that ‘it’s time for these fatuous, attention-seeking pricks to get what’s coming to them.’

He added, ‘Let’s face it. How many of us have seen someone post a meme on Facebook that is nothing more than self-indulgent, vacuous piffle and strongly considered visiting them in real life and caving in their skull with the nearest piece of loose masonry?’

‘By adding this exemption to the existing Grievous Bodily Harm guidelines that our legal system adheres to, we may finally end up with a social media network that isn’t full of people releasing their pent-up aggression like a fucking toddler who has been denied their seventh straight Fruit Shoot.’

‘Oh so you’re beside yourself with anger aimed at ‘you know who you are’ now are you? That’s weird because ten minutes ago you were happier than you have ever been because of ‘you know who you are.’

‘As the motion is still in development, we may also widen the guidelines so that it also covers people who share avocados with the intention of increasing awareness of cancer.’

‘Leaving the European Union in March 2019 will also allow us to chemically castrate people who write ‘98% of you won’t repost this.’

‘It stands to reason that they won’t repost this pal, mainly because you’re an infuriating cunt.’

According to sources within Whitehall, the debate session will also include a question from a Liberal Democrat delegation of MPs about allowing police to arrest people who post desperate messages about irreplaceable items that have been lost with a general, irrelevant picture because they were too fucking dumb to take a photo of whatever they couldn’t bear to lose in the place.