Police officers have been called to the PDC World Darts Championship after one of the spectators managed to discover fire.
According to witness reports, a 34-year-old labourer made the discover while rubbing two breadsticks together between legs while that ‘der der-der-der-der der-der-der-der-der der-der-der-der-der’ song was playing for the five thousandth time.
One witness said, ‘Shortly after the discovery, he started jumping around and bellowing ‘me light heat boom’ before downing seven pints of Carling and head butting his own shadow.’
’A group of minicab drivers from Penge then stood and stared at the growing inferno as it spread to a neighbouring Lamb Korma.’
’I think he only decided to start the fire out of the extreme boredom that results from staring at a tiny circle from 200 feet away while grown men throw arrows at it and a human calculator stands next to it screaming something vaguely resembling English.’
’Once the fire had been extinguished by security guards, an angry riot kicked off with thirty-eight members of the public sustaining injuries from rolled up Ladbrokes signs.’
This incident hasn’t been the first trouble seen at Alexandra Palace this week.
The Yorkshire rookie and number 124 in the world Graham Potterton was disqualified during his match with the Dutch superstar Gerkin Van Der Valk after he managed to score more than 101 with six darts and then turned to the referee and screamed ‘where’s my fucking speedboat?’
Angry scenes followed his disqualification, and he was only persuaded to leave the stage after William Hill offered him a bedside tea making machine.
Fans of the tournament have been expressing their disgust on Twitter, with one saying: ‘I’m not watching any more of this shambles.’
’I will switch to that other wanky Darts thing they show on the BBC after Christmas.’