Police chiefs in Essex have confirmed that the world’s first SILENT POLICE HELICOPTER will be taking to the skies over the county from January 2019.
The Hushcopter 3000 has been a joint project between NASA, Boeing and Hogwarts, and the £32bn project has been developed in response to complaints about excessive noise from members of the public who are trying to sleep.
Essex’s Chief Superintendent Lin Tendent said, ‘This is a huge breakthrough, and although it is a large sum of investment on a single vehicle we are confident that it will revolutionise policing in the county.’
‘After the last batch of complaints about an incident where we were forced to follow an extremely dangerous individual through a built-up area at 11.30 one evening, our original idea was to ask incredibly violent criminals to only do incredibly violent things during the day when kids and toddlers aren’t asleep.’
‘However, the Essex Association Of Toddler And Dog Owners poured cold water on this idea as under 3’s and domestic pets tend to sleep at random times throughout the day.’
‘We conducted a survey of every local police officer to see how many of them were able to delf-levitate while simultaneously using thermal imaging and greatly magnified vision to survey the ground from above, but the results were disappointing.’
Professor Zerschell Merschell from the University of Ashingdon told Southend News Network that the helicopter remains airborne by harnessing the gravitational pull of Uranus and then using a proprietory flux-capacitor to apply just enough reverse quantum thrust to remain at a convenient height above the ground.
However, there have already been complaints during test flights about the searchlight shining into people’s homes.
One resident of Canewdon, who didn’t want to be named said, ‘The bright light without the reassurance of a helicopter noise is very distressing.’