In a shocking revelation this afternoon, a police officer has confirmed that the stretch of road beyond a sign that says ‘ROAD CLOSED’ is indeed closed.

Member of the public Dave Fuch-Weet said, ‘I know that the sign says that the road is closed, and that there are two police cars blocking the width of the road, and also that there are a number of uniformed officers in place, and also that there is blue and white tape everywhere.’

‘However, that might not necessarily make it obvious enough, and so I approached an officer for clarification of the situation.’

‘Imagine my absolute horror when he informed me that the road was closed, in accordance with the sign explaining thus.’

‘What the hell do I pay my road tax for?’

An officer at the scene told us that the sign stated that the road is closed because the road is very much not in a state that could be commonly described as ‘open.’

He added, ‘You know when you see a sign warning you that there may be badgers, and then you see some badgers, well this concept is similar except it is applying to the road being closed.’

‘It’s like when you see the police helicopter and wonder if there is something going on. In reality, we wouldn’t ordinarily scramble a helicopter in the middle of the night and shine a big searchlight down to the ground if there wasn’t something going on.’

‘Therefore, there would very much be something going on, which brings us nicely back to this sign saying that the road is closed.’

‘Long story short, the sign says that the road is closed, because it’s fucking closed.’