Police in Essex have been slammed today after it emerged that officers in Southend pulled over a two-year-old in a Little Tikes car as he was allegedly driving erratically and didn’t have insurance.

According to the parents of little Joshua Schumacher, their son was apprehended by officers in their cul-de-sac shortly before 11am on Thursday.

Angry Dad Rolf said, ‘One minute he was attacking Mrs Smith’s conifer while making kamikaze pilot noises, and the next I saw a patrol car speeding down our tiny road with full lights and sirens.

‘After the initial breathalyser test only showed up as positive for an apple and blackcurrant Fruit Shoot and Pom Bär, he was then asked if the vehicle was taxed and insured.’

‘When he replied, ‘Ha ha smelly poo poo nose,’ they immediately called for backup and within ten minutes the whole thing had been strapped onto a truck and taken away.’

We are now waiting for a magistrates’ court date.

A police spokesperson said, ‘EU regulations on vehicle classification clearly state that any vehicle with novelty headlights and a hole in the floor has to be classed as ‘roadworthy’ for safety reasons.’

‘The vehicle in question is technically faster, safer and more of a pussy magnet than a Smart car, so the law is the law.’