A spokesman for Primark has confirmed that the retailer will be launching a ‘Bullseye Contestant’ fashion range.
According to their latest press release, the range will include unisex lumberjack shirts, ‘aggressive’ floral dresses that can double up as lounge curtains, imitation Farah denim and their ‘groundbreaking’ Paedo Polo line.
It added, ‘Bullseye is one of the most-watched game show repeats on multi-channel TV, and so it made perfect sense to offer clothing items to the more discerning fashionista who is keen to recreate early 90’s chic without breaking the bank.’
‘We have worked incredibly hard to develop this range – every single item will seamlessly work alongside a variety of different mullets, both male and female.’
‘As an added bonus, we are also aware that Specsavers are about to launch their Deirdre Barlow range of spectacles.’
‘The amazing coincidence is that the majority of garments in this range will be produced for pennies each in exactly the same locations that they used to send people off to for Bully’s Mystery Star Prize.’
A limited number of shoppers have been offered early access to the clothing, and they have had nothing but praise so far.
Tim Bowen has been testing the garments for two weeks now, and he said, ‘They are truly incredible.’
‘Within two minutes of putting it all on, I had a sudden urge to visit a local boot sale and purchase 250 VHS storage cases, a combo tea maker and alarm clock, a hostess trolley and a 1991 Austin Metro.’
Tony Green is another tester who is ecstatic with his new threads.
He said, ‘I don’t know why, but I went straight onto Gumtree and bought a speedboat.’
‘It’s all a bit silly really. I live 110 miles from the nearest coast.’