A source within Buckingham Palace has confirmed that Her Majesty The Queen has decided to ‘swear at’ Boris Johnson instead of ‘swear in’ Boris Johnson when the next Prime Minister visits her today.
Although it is customary for the incoming premier to take a copy of The Bible and recite a short passage about remaining loyal to The Queen and ‘all subjects of the kingdom,’ it is thought that the Head of State will simply use this occasion to mumble the word ‘wanker’ over and over again.
Our source said, ‘Her Majesty was considering just wiring up the intercom to The Flaming Wok’s front desk over in Belgravia, but she was privately concerned that Mr Johnson would just start doing a terrible Mr Miyagi impression.’
‘Shortly before Mr Johnson arrives, the outgoing PM Theresa May will officially hand in her resignation, at which point Her Majesty is expected to say, ‘Oh bugger me are you still here.’
There are some rumours that The Queen will take one look at Mr Johnson and just shout, ‘Sod this for a game of Scrabble. I’m in charge now.’