A source within Buckingham Palace has confirmed that today’s Queen’s Speech at the state opening of parliament will just be her majesty pointing at every single MP individually, saying ‘you,’ and then making the ‘w*nker’ sign with her right hand.
The leaked information also revealed that when she reaches the Prime Minister Boris Johnson, she also intends to wrap her tongue between her bottom teeth and bottom lip to make that childish gesture that was really popular when you wanted to call someone an idiot at primary school.
The entire speech will take around 90 minutes, with Her Majesty including the honour for all absent Sinn Fein MPs to ensure that political impartiality laws are maintained at all times.
Our source added, ‘This isn’t going to come as a complete shock.’
‘When Boris Johnson met with Her Majesty to ask her to prorogue parliament for a second time the other week, she just kept coughing the word ‘c*nt’ over and over again.’
‘Once she got bored with that, she used her mitre to pin Mr Johnson up against the wall by the back of his collar, and said, ‘If you think you’re going to make a f*cking monkey out of me again my little mop-headed pedigree chum, you’re mistaken.’
‘You’re lucky I didn’t prorogue your bollocks to Westminster Bridge.’
According to Ladbrokes, the odds on Her Majesty simply walking in, telling everyone to ‘f*ck off,’ and then sitting on the big chair at the front with a can of Tennants Special Brew while using a bent over Jacob Rees-Mogg as a footrest have plummeted to 3/1 on.
Betting has also been suspended on Brexiteer Rayleigh and Wickford MP Mark Francois’ head starting to whistle like a gas stove kettle while he turns ‘Daily Milk Purple’ in outrage.