A raging gammon from Essex is currently in intensive care after learning that the next James Bond will be played by a black actor. 

Nigel Siyuenti from Southend was allegedly ‘besides and on top of himself’ after reading a tweet from Idris Elba on the subject.

His wife Margaret said, ‘I tried explaining to him that Idris is ‘good black’ and not the sort that he doesn’t like because they arrive near Dover floating on the back of an IKEA wardrobe door, but by that point he had already gone purple.’

’I’ve not seen him this angry since Theresa May announced a Brexit transition period.’

A close friend said, ‘First they have a bird playing Doctor Who, and now this.’

’Britain is finished.’