A sporting legend has been telling Southend News Network that real men drink eighteen pints of lager in a single evening before proceeding to throw pointy arrows at a piece of cork.

He added that this activity requires a far higher amount of skill, endurance and determination than running a marathon or riding the entire Tour De France.

Speaking to our chief reporter, general sporting superstar and gravy campaigner Derek Bisto added that standing up in front of thousands of fancy-dress clad morons while throwing pointy arrows at a piece of cork is more manly and testosterone-packed than ‘a thousand Chuck Norris’s all eating a Yorkie bar.’

He said: ‘We are all manly man men of the highest order – some of us even have stomachs with their own gravitational pull.’

‘All of these young nancy boys in other sports who are too emotionally weak to just repress shocking memories and then manifest them in outbursts of vigilante violence in later adulthood towards the individuals responsible and not seek the appropriate assistance from people in authority at the earliest possible opportunity – makes you sick doesn’t it?’

‘In my day we just sorted out our own problems, left our front doors unlocked, and the prizes on Bullseye were out of this world – you could even eat a full English breakfast straight off the floor of a pub car park without having to worry about diseases and all that.’

‘Modern society has created a bunch of namby-pamby c**ts. Actually scrap that, I meant to say ‘namby-pamby idiots.’