A report from Public Health England has confirmed that more people in the United Kingdom currently die from exposure to Loose Women than Coronavirus.
Evidence from a recent study has been made public, and the statistics show that an average of 34 people are killed during every single broadcast as a result of their brain cells just waving a little white flag and screaming ‘fuck this for a laugh.’
According to the full report, the highest-ever recorded number of fatalities during an airing of the ITV1 show came when Channing Tatum took his top off and the panel just sat there making cooing noises like horny pigeons for a full eleven minutes.
A spokesperson said, ‘We noticed a similar phenomenon during the 1990’s when Supermarket Sweep was at the height of its popularity.’
‘Our scientists observed that as soon as people are exposed to a TV show that requires less than three brain cells to fully comprehend what is going on, the brain flies into a vicious ‘self-destruction’ mode as it truly believes that the remainder is then surplus to requirements.’
‘This is where the Winton Cortex area of the brain gets its name from.’
We invited a panel of ten guests to watch an episode in a controlled environment with adrenaline and a full resus team on standby, and the results were shocking.
Within eleven seconds of the show starting, six of them were rolling around on the floor and foaming at the mouth, with the remaining four going into catatonic shock when Katie Price walked out to talk about her latest book, ‘And Then I Did.’