A search is currently underway in Central London after an unidentified member of the public stabbed the Sadiq Khan protest balloon,

This resulted in the floating structure making what has been described as a ‘flatulence noise’ before shooting off towards the South Bank.

According to sources, the attacker was heard shouting that this was a protest against rising levels of violent crime in the city – a situation that has absolutely nothing to do with the Conservative government slashing police budgets by £400 gajillion per annum across the board.

One witness said, ‘I have seen more than 5,000 memes about Mayor Khan – the man is a disgrace.’

‘He’s not my mayor, I can tell you. Mainly because I live in Lincoln.’