Scientists and commentators have been left ‘baffled’ after there was a sudden rise in people calling Jeremy Corbyn a ‘massive racist’ and the Labour Party started to eat into the Tory lead in opinion polls.

According to one leading voice in the Conservative Party, 98% of everything that Jeremy Corbyn says is anti-Semitic, if you define anti-Semitism as ‘words that have vowels in.’

He added, ‘It is also well-known that Mr Corbyn can ‘take or leave’ Neil Diamond. What else has this guy got hiding in his closet?’

‘We were at a conference together once and I accidentally knocked into him when I could clearly hear him shout ‘oy.’ I think that tells us everything that we need to know about the man.’

We asked him if there was any concern about their leader Boris Johnson referring to Muslim women as ‘letterboxes’ and black people as ‘pica-ninnies.’

He replied, ‘Everyone has got the wrong impression. He was simply promoting the idea that Muslim women should be able to wear whatever they like, and also that black people should be able to be as black as they want.’