Scientists who have analysed Tuesday evening’s Carabao Cup match between Aston Villa and Liverpool have claimed to have found a mysterious link between the Merseysiders not winning and VAR not being available.
Professor Herbert Thisyear of the University of Tranmere told our sports desk that a number of his colleague in the laboratory sat ‘open-mouthed’ when they noticed the fifth goal flying in for Aston Villa and how it wasn’t followed by a load of whinging bastards telling the referee to analyse the footage in case Wesley Moraes’ bell end was technically in an offside position.
Professor Thisyear added, ‘It’s the strangest thing.’
‘All of a sudden, vital decisions were left down to the old-fashioned combination of the referee and his two assistants, and Liverpool’s defence opened up wider than the part of that river in the city near where that building is with that black bird on the top.’
‘However, back in the top flight where they haven’t won the title since 1990 and they keep cocking it up at the very last second even though their global presence would result in a marketing and TV rights bonanza the likes of which have never seen before for both the league and the club, every decision can be analysed to the nth degree and they seem to be doing pretty well.’
‘It’s so weird.’