A Cornish pasty who is based at South Mimms Service Station on the M25 and the A1 has confirmed to Southend News Network that he has joined casual hookup site Tinder in order to find ‘some warmth and maybe more.’

Speaking to our Chief Reporter, he added that he has been considering this for some time – he said that ‘the last straw’ was the binning of a neighbouring Steak Bake yesterday.

‘When I saw the thermometer probe leaving him with a reading of 54 degrees Celcius, he was whisked away and binned for health and safety reasons – this made me realise that I have been wasting my life so far.’

‘The sausage rolls upstairs keep telling me that Tinder is perfect for those who are after some no strings fun, and if I am being honest it’s been a while since I’ve been properly glazed.’

‘It’s ok working here, but the guy who works this counter is completely incapable of communication – most of the time I am astounded that he can summon the mental power to successfully breathe in and out without ballsing that up as well.’

‘It’s just impossible to meet likeminded people here. There are a couple of banging ring doughnuts in the new Costa but the word on the forecourt is that they’ve been around the place a few times. Barry the Nuclear Baked Potato took them both out last week and he said it was like chucking a sausage down a corridor.’

Within a few minutes of joining Tinder, he was delighted with the number of right swipes that he had received. 

He added: ‘All the ladies seem to be up for having some meat – I couldn’t be happier. I recognise someone from the all-day breakfast van on the A127 who looks promising.’

‘I’ve never been with a black pudding before.’