Arsenal supporters and fans of other clubs have been describing their shock after Arsenal Football Club announced that Arsène Wenger has resigned with immediate effect. According to a brief statement that was released earlier today, the Arsenal manager has resigned a 90-year contract extension that will see the Frenchman remain in control of the North London club until May 2106 – Southend News Network first reported on this shock decision a few weeks ago. 

A source within the club said: ‘Arsenal as an organisation has always been about stability, and nothing says ‘stability’ more than having the same safe pair of hands at the wheel for more than a century. Everyone thought that Sir Alex would be the first Premier League centurion, but it turns out that Arsène will reach that milestone before anyone else. Senior board members of the club have publically asked Arsène to deliver ‘maybe one more title’ before the 22nd Century is underway, but privately they have made it clear that things are ticking over just fine for now, and also that he has a job for life as long as he doesn’t get filmed eating live puppies or anything like that.’

Lifelong season ticket holder Morris Blind has been travelling over from his Amsterdam home for the last fifteen seasons, and he told Southend News Network that he is delighted with the news that Arsène Wenger has resigned. He said: ‘This is fantastic news for true supporters like myself, and it flies in the face of those idiots who held up protest cards at the Norwich game. Now that our future is secure at the very top of the organisation, it will be the perfect time to spend big in the transfer market, and my season ticket renewal Swarovski gift box said that at least £700m has been put aside for the next transfer window. All of my friends think it has been set aside in a big safe that says ‘Arsenal Stability Fund – Code Held By Arsène,’ but real fans like me know that this simply isn’t true.’