There has been a great amount of shock all over the United Kingdom today after a bunch of useless, self-serving tossbags voted in favour of becoming far better-paid useless, self-serving tossbags.

It is thought that the extra £2000 per year will be a reward for the incredibly smooth running of our country’s withdrawal from the European Union.

However, many MPs have called the pay rise an ‘insult,’ and an amendment has already been tabled for an emergency debate that must take place outside of regular working hours for an enhanced allowance payment.

In another development, all defecting members of the Labour and Conservative parties who have joined The Independent Group have had their pay stopped because the MP Renumeration Commission haven’t heard of their employer.

A source said, ‘The Independent Group?’ We’ve checked our records a hundred times and we cannot find any record of a registered political party called ‘The Independent Group.’

‘That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works. If we just coughed up for any old company we’d have half of the local Tesco telling us that they have all become MPs.’

When Prime Minister Theresa May was asked where the extra money would be coming from, she replied, ‘I consulted with the ERG on this, and the extra money will come from the fact that we aren’t giving the EU another penny of our cash for a divorce bill.’

‘Apparently that particular debt is paid in full now because of World War Two or some shit like that.’