A shocking new report has revealed that 100% of Air Ambulance sightings are down to there being some sort of emergency in progress.

The report was commissioned by a consortium of local Facebook groups mainly adminned by someone called Karen.

Professor Irving Sphincter of the University of Vange was in charge of the research, and he told us that the craziest discovery came when he discovered that the United Kingdom doesn’t have a fleet of ‘Everything’s OK Helicopters’ that are ready to be deployed when there is absolutely nothing to worry about.

He added, ‘We analysed more than 5000 Air Ambulance trips across the country, and in every single case we discovered that it was due to someone being unwell or injured in a location where delayed medical assistance could have a negative impact upon their outcome.’

‘We then conducted a similar survey into police helicopter trips, and the statistics were groundbreaking.’

’There was a clear correlation between police helicopters being scrambled and crime-fighting situations where it isn’t possible for a police car to levitate, fly at high speeds and shine a massive light onto the ground to assist other officers.’

We showed the findings to Michelle Garridge, a Facebook user from Southend.

She said, ‘What’s going on?’