In a number of co-ordinated dawn raids all over the United Kingdom, 204 Slimming World members have been arrested for refusing to Syn mashed bananas.
Operation Smoothie swung into action on Sunday morning, with blenders also being confiscated for forensic testing.
Chief Supt. Lin Tendent of Essex Police headed up the national task force for the operation, and she told us that those now in custody are ‘worse than ISIS.’
She added, ‘When you mash a banana, the process of crushing the fruit converts potassium into saturated fat and sugar at a rate of fission that far exceeds any nuclear reactor on the planet.’
’Therefore, putting just one into a smoothie and not counting the syns could leave you needing one of those ambulances with the cranes on where firefighters have to knock down a wall to get you out.’
‘One individual we arrested today was even refusing to recognise that Muller Lights are no longer free – this activity usually indicates further criminality like making a cake out of couscous and referring to it as a tweak.’
Professor Barry Evans told us that the police’s concerns were valid.
He said, ‘Observe this experiment.’
‘Here I have a banana. If I peel it and eat it, it’s a harmless piece of fruit. Now watch.’
Prof Evans proceeded to mash the single banana and eat it with a spoon.
‘Although It may look like I have now eaten just the one same banana, I have actually eaten 754 of them because science.’