Police chiefs across the United Kingdom have appealed for calm after widespread civil disobedience erupted in the wake of the announcement that previously syn-free Muller Light yoghurts will now be one syn each.

Unofficial statistics show that at least 75 arrests have been made since 8am on Monday morning, with damage in Manchester, Liverpool and Southend alone running into millions of pounds.

One balaclava-clad slimmer from Leeds said, ‘I have been eating five of the coconut ones every day and not deducting any syns from my allocated 15, so this is an utter crock of shit.’

‘Obviously the president of Muller woke up one morning and said, ‘Hey. We have one of the best selling yoghurt-based products in the Western Hemisphere, so let’s fuck around with it and completely adjust the nutritional content so that a bunch of saddos can justify continuing to spunk a fiver a week to sit in a big circle and tell everyone about their feelings.’

‘You went on a cruise, had your sister’s birthday and only put a pound on? Well fucking done Susan. Well fucking done.’

‘Body Magic? It’s fucking exercise you daft c*nts.’

A source also confirmed that tap water will now be two syns per glass, while the slightly more expensive Evian and Volvic will continue to be syn-free for nutritional reasons.

This isn’t the first time that Slimming World has resulted in sporadic outbursts of violence in 2018.

In March, eleven people were killed in a vicious gunfight in Southampton after an argument broke out about whether or not a cake made of couscous was a tweak.