A Smart car driver has been fined for parking in a supermarket ‘Parent and Child’ space as there’s no way in hell that the driver of one could ever get a girl pregnant. 

On Friday afternoon, the vehicle was spotted in one of the parent-friendly allocated at the Tesco superstore on Fairfax Drive in Westcliff.

The attendant on duty allegedly took one look and said ‘no way would any female procreate with someone who drives that shitbox.’

He added: ‘Wrapping a load of metal and glass around a motorbike engine is pretty much the opposite of a fanny magnet, so I knew straightaway that he must have been taking the piss.’

‘He has 14 days to pay the £60 in full or the fine will be increased to £60 and a letter from a glorified debt collection company with the word ‘solicitors’ illegitimately whacked on the end of their name.’

The co-ordinator of the South Essex Smart Car Alliance told Southend News Network that the attendant displayed a ‘disgusting attitude.’

Niall Ardonne added: ‘Everyone knows that being able to park sideways will make a girl drop their knickers faster than you can say ‘wanky A-Class.’

‘It’s similar to the rush of hormones and pheromones that a lady experiences when she sees the number of headlights on the front of a Nissan Qashqai – excluding the fogs.’

‘I’ve had many a fine girl in the front of my Smart car.’

‘As long as you open both windows and the rear hatch and she isn’t taller than 4ft 6 you’re laughing.’