A 54 year old woman from Chalkwell is claiming that her husband was ‘almost killed’ at Southend Hospital in October due to funding cuts across the NHS, and so she feels that the only fair outcome would be a HUGE CASH PAYOUT. Greek-born Marion Frivolous accompanied her husband Bill to the Accident and Emergency ward at Southend Hospital on 23rd October, only to be told that a number of life-threatening cases were being dealt with at the time. As Mr Frivolous had managed to get his head stuck in a saucepan with plenty of room to continue breathing, they were told that there would be a three-hour wait to be seen.

Mrs Frivolous contacted the Southend News Network to give her side of the story. She said, ‘People were coming in after having heart attacks, strokes and serious road collisions, and they were being rushed straight through to get medical attention – however Bill was sitting there with his Tefal-branded hat and nobody seemed to really care about getting it taken off. Although he was able to breathe throughout his ordeal, he could have developed a fatal reaction to Teflon, and yet he was put right to the bottom of the priority list. I kept asking the lady on the reception desk for an update every five minutes, but every time I was told that the department was attending to those ‘in desperate need’ first of all. If having a saucepan lodged around your skull isn’t a desperate need, I really don’t know what is.’

She continued, ‘I understand that the NHS across the country has to work within incredibly strict budget constraints, but at the same time we all have the right to immediate medical care – no matter how many other people are in need of life-saving procedures at the time. That saucepan could have killed my husband, and so I honestly feel that we deserve to be compensated for the incredible trauma and emotional distress that we have suffered. If giving my story to the Southend News Network doesn’t get us the required outcome from the Southend Hospital Trust, we will have no option but to instruct a lawyer, not Judge Rinder but a really big one with a suit and a wig and everything.’

We asked Mrs Frivolous about how the common kitchen utensil had ended up wedged around her husband’s cranium, but she declined to comment on this matter.

A spokesperson for Southend Hospital gave us a brief statement:

We treat thousands of people every year in our Accident and Emergency Unit, and from a clinical point of view a stroke or a heart attack is more of an urgent medical need than having a saucepan stuck on your head that causes no breathing difficulties whatsoever. Mrs Frivolous was incredibly aggressive and confrontational throughout her time in the waiting area, and at one point she even challenged a nearby pot plant to a fight to the death while doing some sort of tribal war dance. We do not condone any violent behaviour towards members of staff at Southend Hospital, and so we will see her in court.