A spokesperson for Southend News Network has confirmed that the site will be closing on Friday May 25th as it isn’t compliant with upcoming General Data Protection Regulation, or GDPR for short.

According to an audit that was carried out in early May 2018, it was discovered that visitors to Southend News Network on the Chrome desktop browser for Windows were subject to a data breach that involved a variety of personal data being sent to the administrators of the site.

It is thought that around 15,000 female visitors unwillingly provided Southend News Network with their email addresses, mobile telephone numbers and bra sizes, and the site’s liquidators will shortly be contacting each of these visitors individually to confirm that their personal details have been destroyed, starting with those who are DD and above.

A spokesperson added, ‘When the data breach first came to light, we contacted a data security consultant who said that he was good friends with a GDPR specialist.’

‘When he was asked if he could provide us with his contact details, he said, ‘no.’

‘All Facebook and Twitter followers of Southend News Network will also receive a personalised invitation to follow another fake news page, such as The Rochdale Herald, Suffolk Gazette, or Daily Mail.’

‘In fact, I don’t even think that I should be reading this statement to you all as you haven’t clearly and definitively given me permission to communicate it to you.’

‘Having said that, I haven’t given any of you bastards explicit permission to listen to this either.’

‘It really is a load of old bollocks isn’t it. This is why I voted Leave.’