Residents and business owners in Southend On Sea were OUTRAGED today after it emerged that Southend News Network’s tourism video ‘Sometimes Our Pier’s On Fire’ was rejected by local tourism government officials for being too offensive. According to a spokesperson for Southend Holdings In Tourism, the main reason for the rejection was the suggestion that an entire district of the town was up its own anus, and there were also concerns about describing Two Tree Island as a place where people sit in their cars and watch other people having sexual intercourse under the harsh glow of a vehicle’s headlights – the suggestion of there being ‘bugger all’ in Chalkwell was upheld, but they wish to point out that from time to time Southend Pier is not actually on fire. Watch the video below.

[fbvideo link=”” width=”600″ height=”XX” onlyvideo=”1″]

The video managed to get more than 100,000 views in just 12 hours on Saturday, and as a result it instantly generated a massive amount of global interest in Southend On Sea. However, by Saturday lunchtime, local ‘dogging’ hotspot Two Tree Island was closed to the public after more than 25,000 alternative sexual activity enthusiasts tried to access the beauty spot overlooking the Thames Estuary – police have asked visitors to refrain from visiting the area until a specialist team has finished combing the area for accessories. Although the Essex Wildlife Foundation thanked the angry crowd for their interest in the area, a spokesperson admitted that the roads and car park simply couldn’t cope with the sudden increase in demand.

Furious representatives of Southend United were said to be ‘furious’ at the suggestion in the video that their new stadium is still a long way from becoming a reality. Club spokesperson Nigel Crevette said: ‘The video made a disgusting allegation that the Fossetts Farm project is becoming some kind of saga, and we are outraged at the way that this has been put across. We still intend to move into the stadium for the start of the 2008-2009 season – just ask Wikipedia! As you will see, plans are now at an advanced stage.’



  1. Don’t understand the fuss.

    Hastings and Eastbourne have had burning piers so this isn’t a unique attraction.

  2. I think that this video is correct and to the point and sums up the district well. The only improvement to the lyrics could be the addition of “and sometimes it is closed for emergency repairs to it’s piles”. I’ve been a longtime sufferer of piles and appreciate the need for remedy.