How many more restaurants are going to be shamed for paying ‘below minimum wage’ before the chinless owners stand up and take notice of their general fuckery?

These chains are all as bad as each other. A bit of wanky minimalist decor and Coca Cola in those shitty little bottles and they think they can get away with paying their staff less than workers in your average Bangladeshi sweatshop, comparatively speaking.

You are charging £30 for a bottle of Spanish anti-freeze piss, and you are packed to the rafters every Friday and Saturday night because people seem incapable of looking beyond the end of their own nose for a little independent gaff that isn’t owned by greedy shits.

Therefore, instead of some lily-livered thundershite about your ‘valued’ staff making up their insulting hourly wage with tips, how about you just stick your hands in your own pocket for a change?

Customers can’t be relied upon to add tips every time – especially after they recover from the aneurysm that results from being charged a tenner for dough balls.

‘The service was excellent, but the child on the next table didn’t stop crying for the whole meal and the manager refused to throw the whole family out on the street so it’s a zero tip from me.’

That’s a good reason to leave your waitress needing to shag her landlord to pay the rent this month.

You can throw the ‘career development pathway’ argument into the mix as much as you want, but deep down you know as well as I do that your next ‘Shift Supervisor’ will just be whoever had the nerve to be in the jop for ten minutes longer than everyone else.

Even then, you will still pay them the same amount, as it all looks good on the CV right?