Yet again, an ambulance crew have reported that some jerk off has written a shitty note and left it on an ambulance because he was unable to get his Sherman Tank of a Nissan Micra off his driveway. 

An ambulance that would have been saving someone’s life, daring to get in the way of his two-minute drive to the Spar for a box of twenty Benson and Hedges and the latest edition of What C*nt magazine.

What the hell is wrong with people? If an ambulance is blocking your driveway, just ask the paramedics if they can move it.

As long as one of them isn’t in the middle of a tracheotomy, they will usually be more than willing to oblige.

Your only other option is to get all Billy Big Bollocks, write a note, plaster it on their windscreen in an absolute rage of gammonry and collapse with a life-threatening aneurysm – now there’s irony for you.

When the 999 call handler asks if there are any access issues, you can tell them that the paramedics can put you in the recovery position as soon as they have found a suitable parking space three streets away and lugged all their gear over.

Life-saving treatment can literally come down to a few seconds saved or lost, so bear that in mind until they invent an ambulance that can be folded up and flat packed like those bike tossers you see on the train every morning.