With the approach of Storm Ciara currently in effect, the Essex Educational Coalition partnership has announced the following school closures for Monday 10th February 2020:

  • South Canvey Submerged Academy Of The Arts (South Of Canvey)
  • Anneka Rice School Of Challenges (Rochford)
  • Prittle Brook Aquatics Centre of Excellence (Prittlewell)
  • Chalkwell School Of Naturism For The Over 80’s (Chalkwell)
  • Jim Bowen Sailing Institute (Thorpe Bay)
  • Fossett’s Farm Junior School (Yet To Be Completed)
  • Central Fambridge Secondary Modern (Central Fambridge, Closed Due To Flooding)
  • Stambridge Polytechnic For People Who Went To Fambridge By Accident (Canewdon)
  • Treguard of Dunshelm’s School Of Knightmare (Billericay)
  • Leigh On Sea School Of Considerate Parking (Wherever They Fucking Well Like)
  • Norfolk Intrafamilial Education Centre (Norfolk)
  • Love Island Onanism Institute (Love Island)

*** Hamster Junior School For Junior Hamsters remains open, but all PE classes will take place indoors on little wheels.

The above list will be updated in real time whenever new information is received.

Speaking to Southend News Network, the South Essex co-ordinator for community infrastructure Michelle Garridge said that the closures were ‘essential but necessary.’

She added: ‘Schools will only close where there is enough wind and rain to render the staff Nespresso machine unusable.’

‘We would also like to reassure members of the public that we have enough salt to cover every road in South Essex if things turn icy.’

’Members of staff have been spending all day Sunday in Greggs nicking every visible sachet to keep supplies topped up.’

’Some areas of Canvey will be part of a new trial where we will be using a combination of Bisto, Paxo and Stork instead as this will also provide much needed food for the local bird population in this cold snap.’