A woman from Leigh On Sea who claims to be ‘intolerant to gluten’ has undergone tests and discovered that she is in fact just intolerant of poor people.

Jemimah Clenge-Fringe is a busy mother of three, and she originally diagnosed herself with the condition in 2016 after a trip to Greggs resulted in her feeling a bit under the weather for a few hours.

However, she has now undergone further testing after managing a croissant at Rectal Ronnie’s Coffee And Candlestick Emporium on The Broadway without spending the rest of the day on the toilet, and the results revealed that she is in fact intolerant of anyone earning less than £160,000 per year.’

‘This is the basic salary of her husband Miles-Niles who works in the city doing something with small arms futures or something or other.’

She added, ‘While it’s a relief to discover that I am in fact able to eat gluten, I will probably just carry on with the same lifestyle habits as before as it is a huge buzz to pay £7.50 for a four-pack of specialised bagels.’