In a live address to the people of the United Kingdom, the Prime Minister Theresa May has confirmed that she is in a state of shock because her ‘give me everything I want’ approach wasn’t accepted by her fellow EU leaders at a summit in Salzburg.

Mrs May also indicated that breaking out into song and delivering a below-par version of ‘I Want It Now’ from Charlie And The Chocolate Factory had also failed to change the minds of the European Union’s elite.

She said, ‘Once again, I have to express my disappointment about my fellow European Union colleagues not caving in to every facet of my Chequers plan that nobody other than me really wants anyway.’

‘Come to think of it, I don’t really believe in it either, but it’s a bit bloody late now anyway.’

‘The other 27 countries need to realise that a no-deal Brexit will hurt them far more than it will hurt us.’

‘I told them that there would be rioting on the streets of Bratislava when the price of Bovril hits £5 a cup under WTO rules – that put the shits right up them.’