A source within the government has revealed that Theresa May is still running on Windows 95.

According to an anonymous contact in Westminster, every morning when she wakes up her domestic staff hear the ‘bong, brrrrrring, ning, ning, ning, ning’ noise.

A brief session of Minesweeper was also observed in her left eyeball shortly after her Brexit deal was voted down for a second time on Tuesday evening.

He added, ‘Microsoft gave up supporting her operating system years ago.’

‘There was talk of moving her up to XP, but there were concerns about the sunny rolling hills background looking like the sunlit uplands that Brexiteers were promising.’

‘The upgrade came on 68 discs floppier than Boris’ hair as well.’