The Prime Minister Theresa May has admitted in a statement this evening that the entire government is an unrivalled colossal shitshow who couldn’t organise their way out of a room with multiple doors with ‘EXIT’ signs in massive fucking flashing letters and audio description for the visually impaired.

Speaking to the nation, she said, ‘We’re lost. Get over it.’

‘Voted Leave? We’ve bollocksed it. Voted Remain? We’ve bollocksed it.’

‘My only hope is that the nation can now come together under the idea that Larry The Cat could have made a better job of Brexit in a fraction of the time and still had plenty of opportunities to gleefully munch on his private parts while stopping to claw you every time you dare stroke him during this vital hygienic act.’

‘Anyway it’s not my fault. I’m just in charge. Boris and Jacob threatened to beat me up and take my dinner money.’