In a dramatic turn of events, the travel company Thomas Cook has been bailed out by the British government after senior executives managed to convince ministers that they are actually a bank.

According to witnesses, a crunch meeting on Monday morning in Westminster ended with no bailout being offered, but then one unidentified executive said, ‘Did we mention that we are actually a bank?’

At this point, a junior minister was heard telephoning The Treasury to instruct staff to immediately transfer ‘a gajillion pounds.’

A government spokesperson said, ‘If they had mentioned that they were actually a bank at the beginning of the meeting, we could have saved ourselves a lot of trouble.’

‘It is simply unthinkable for a bank to collapse in modern Britain. That fifth buy-to-let property in Shoreditch, those foetal ballet lessons for little Tabitha, cutting down Waitrose trips to four times per week … the humanity would have put Britain back twenty years.’