A spokesperson for the Chinese Space Agency has confirmed that the derelict, out of control wreck of the Tiangong-1 space station will probably fall to Earth on Canvey Island in South Essex. 

Although it was originally thought that it would burn up in the planet’s atmosphere with fragments falling in the South Pacific, a strong northerly wind has now made it ‘almost certain’ that the complete wreck will hit the island.

Minimal break-up will occur in the atmosphere due to the gases emitted from the various oil refineries in the area.

Xi Li Beck of the Chinese Space Agency said, ‘We prefer for the wreck to impact upon green space on Canvey, but it seems that it has all been built on.’

’Maybe it land in big line across Thames  and give indigenous peoples of the island much needed third bridge.’

Castle Point Borough Council have issued an emergency response stating that they ‘don’t care as long as precious Benfleet, Thundersley and Hadleigh are left unscathed.’

Islander Dave Gashby said, ‘I saw a documentary with Bruce Willis about this sort of thing.’

’All we need to do is send a few people from Essex Highways up there to blast it apart.’

’Half of it will land on Sheppey, with the rest ending up in Woodham Ferrers.’

’As long as they shove some temporary lights up first it will be fine.’

All drag racing on Roscommon Way has been suspended as a precaution so that locals can get as much sleep as possible before impact.