In a ‘touching and poignant’ moment today, the final mum in the world who hasn’t started her own mum blog yet confirmed that she had made her first blog post online.
The development means that every single mother on the planet now has an Internet-based presence of some sort, making it easier than ever before for the rest of the human race to find out that parenting is somewhat difficult.
The prestigious honour went to Southend mum Michelle Garridge, and she told Southend News Network that she has already prepared 500 different breastfeeding photos with a variety of filters in order to try and portray how private and intimate breastfeeding is.
She said, ‘I have called it ‘Michelle’s Real Life Mumming and Mummery,’ and I have already started getting a good level of engagement on the attached Facebook page by asking comment-happy questions like, ‘What is better – breast milk or formula,’ and ‘What does everyone think of the name Scooby-Dyson?’
‘I also have plenty of content planned about how us mums are sick and tired of being judged for our level of attractiveness, along with photos of Tom Hardy doing the CBeebies Bedtime Story as he’s fit as f*ck.’
‘The inspirational phrases are proving to be a bit tricky though, as they are all making me sound like a bit of a sanctimonious dick. Hopefully the monochrome attached images will detract from this.’
It’s been a controversial week for parents on social media. On Monday, a mother from Basildon put her newborn baby up for adoption after he only received thirteen likes on Instagram.
Explaining her decision to the media, Gemma Brio-Tikes said, ‘I’ve dumped my man as well. There’s a guy from our block called Tyrone who is anybody’s after a four-pack of White Lightning.’
‘That crotch fruit will be social dynamite.’