A traffic warden is reportedly ‘recovering well’ after he underwent emergency surgery to have a mobile phone removed from his anus.
According to witnesses, civil enforcement officer Charles Siyouenti was issuing a parking ticket to an ambulance that was parked on double yellow lines in Southend at the Stan Collymore Retail Park, when an angry exchange with paramedics escalated into a scuffle that ended with the council employee having a Blackberry pushed ‘wide end first’ into his anus.
One witness said, ‘The paramedic was arguing that she should be allowed to park there for a few moments to get some food and water before going back to her 10-hour shift in the gruelling heat, but the officer stated that this isn’t legal as they are not technically attending an emergency.’
‘She then made the point that they could get called out at any time, but he wasn’t interested in budging and started taking a photo of the offence on his smartphone in that twatty way that they all do.’
‘At this point, she wrestled the phone from his hand, and after a few minutes of fighting she pulled down his trousers and underwear, shouted ‘You’ll enjoy this won’t you? The safe word is ‘supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.’
‘She then proceeded with the smartphone insertion. It was one of the older Blackberry models as well so it would have taken a lot of forearm strength.’
‘Luckily a nearby first responder vehicle had an industrial tub of Vaseline on board.’
Bert Backgammon owns a shop close to where the incident occurred, and he told Southend News Network that he called for an ambulance.
He said, ‘Because that ambulance that was already there was apparently ‘not on call,’ they had to wait for another ambulance to turn up.’
Essex Police said, ‘We attended a report of common assault by rectal cellphone penetration at 4pm on Tuesday.’
‘A female member of the emergency services was immediately taken to Wetherspoons and bought a pint.’