A spokesperson for UEFA has released an urgent statement to confirm that tonights 7-2 scoreline between Tottenham Hotspur and Bayern Munich was football and not cricket.
It was reported that there was confusion earlier with many members of the public thinking that it must have been a result from this Summer’s Ashes series or whatever.
UEFA executive Jerome Robsonne added, ‘Although the final score looked like something you would see on FIFA after both players have consumed a crate of Kronenbourg, we can confirm that it was in fact a match of association football.’
‘We have investigated this matter, and it would appear that Serge Gnabry is, contrary to popular belief amongst home supporters, one of the greatest footballers in the history of football.’
‘He may have picked up this incredible set of skills elsewhere in North London – investigations are ongoing.’
Shortly after the final whistle at the creatively named Tottenham Hotspur stadium, hundreds of home fans were witnessed consoling themselves by staring at those beer taps that fill glasses from the bottom-up and clapping wildly like sea lions who have just spotted a nice shiny fish.