A van driver from Basildon has confirmed that the Highway Code is only applicable to people who drive anything other than a van. 

Nigel Fuqaird told Southend News Network that his relatively large size in comparison to a regular car meant that everyone else can just kiss his fat arse.

He said, ‘Van drivers are usually working or on a job, so that pretty much gives us priority for anything.’

’We also have the cloak of invisibility that is activated by pressing the triangle in the middle of the dashboard – this comes in handy when I need to park on double yellow lines because I have a delivery.’

’It’s all OK though because we’ll usually be done in two minutes mate. Well two Neptune minutes anyway.’