A vegan from Southend On Sea in Southern Essex is currently ‘inconsolable’ after her friends told her that her bottle of Evian was probably a fish’s house at some point.
According to Madeline Shoutit’s best friend Alice, she is going to seek legal advice on the matter.
Alice told us: ‘I only told her that fish live in water as a bit of a joke, but she instantly spat her drink all over the floor and started scrubbing her tongue with a nearby Brillo pad.’
‘She is usually really careful about keeping up her Vegan beliefs, but it appears that she has really taken her eye off the ball on this occasion.’
‘She normally doesn’t even have Oyster Mushrooms at Mr. Ping’s Chinese Buffet.’
A spokesperson for the Vegan Action Guild In the North Atlantic said: ‘We have written to all of the major mineral water distributors and asked for reassurances that their products have not provided lodging for fish in a previous stage of their life cycle.’
‘If they cannot provide a satisfactory answer, our lawyers believe that a vegan class action lawsuit could run into billions of pounds.’
‘Naturally any payout would have to be a cheque to minimise the risk of any of them having to touch a five pound note.’
‘As a precaution, we would suggest avoiding water and all water-based liquids until the situation is resolved.’
‘Alternatively, our partner company Wibble Drinks sells a flagship vegan water that is certified as both vegan-friendly and gluten-free.’
A spokesperson for Evian confirmed that a complaint is currently being dealt with.