The supermarket Waitrose has been forced to recall thousands of pots of their own brand coleslaw as some samples were found containing deadly listeria bacteria that wasn’t organic and fairtrade. 

A source said, ‘We were shocked when we were told that listeria had been found in some of the containers, but then we were utterly flabbergasted to learn that the bacteria had been produced using artificial ingredients in an environment where microbes were working for less than 45p per hour.’

’If humans come into contact with the product, a severe case of unethical food poisoning could develop, resulting in vomiting, the squits, and a feeling of isolation due to getting rejecting by upstanding members of the local community.’

Maisie Fuch-Whittington is a Waitrose regular in Leigh On Sea, and she said, ‘I really expected better from them.’

’A dicky tummy is even less fun when you are already halfway up your own anus.’