A spokesperson for Wetherspoons has confirmed that the comedienne Dawn French and the musician Jools Holland have been banned from their entire chain of pub restaurants, along with anyone else who has a surname bearing any sort of resemblance to the other 26 EU nation states.

The move comes after the company announced that they will soon be dumping a number of EU based brands in favour of non-EU alternatives.

He said, ‘We have already been a huge supporter of Brexit, and it is time for us to take a stand against customers who may disrespect our company ethos by having an EU-related surname.’

‘In the event that we see Frexit or Nexit in the future, they will be more than welcome to return.’

‘Customers should also be advised that using terms like ‘I’m Hungry’ will no longer be allowed, and management reserves the right to eject anyone breaking this rule.’

‘In another exciting development, swedes will be replaced with turnips wherever possible.’

The chain’s boss Tim Martin said something or other, but we sort of tuned out after five seconds.