A 35-year-old woman from Essex has been describing her shock after she discovered that entering her PIN number in a cash machine backwards while being forced to withdraw money at knifepoint actually does fuck all.

Michelle Garridge told us that although she was expecting a triple SWAT stream and the 34th Battalion of the Coldstream Guards to come storming around the corner the moment that she tapped in the last number, the reality was that fuck all happened apart from the cashpoint telling her that she had entered her pin incorrectly.

Ms Garridge added, ‘There was a meme on Facebook, and naturally I assumed that it would be true because it’s was a meme on Facebook. Nobody ever bullshits in those do they?’

‘Thinking about it now actually, it must have been thunderbollocks because some people have PIN numbers like 2332 or 6116.’

‘Come to think of it, people with certain forms of dyslexia would inadvertently summon the LAPD at will every time they withdrew a tenner.’

‘To be fair, I was feeling a little bit tired when I first read it as I had just spent an hour typing a status that said, ‘I hereby declare under paragraph 54 sentence 13 of the Geneva Convention that I do not authorise Facebook to assume copyright on anything that I publish. Do not share this status – you must copy and paste it because law.’

‘I felt like Rumpole Of The Bailey after typing that in so I knew it must have been airtight.’

‘I was also entering a competition to win a fully-featured motorhome as the manufacturer had a surplus of 100 units that they couldn’t sell, and I have my fingers crossed about a pair of Virgin Atlantic.. tickets and a holiday at Centar Percs.’

A police source added, ‘If someone finds that they are unfortunate enough to be caught in this situation, we would suggest repeating the false information to your attacker in full as there is a 90% chance they will suffer an aneurysm due to the sheer fuckwittery of it all.’