‘Please share this: My pet gerbil Gordon ran out of my house this morning and I haven’t seen him since.’

Just one small problem Shazza – you posted about Gordy Boy in a closed, private Facebook group you dumb fuck.

This means that when the inevitable 500 people comment saying ‘carnt share this hun,’ they are forced to take a low-resolution screenshot that will also tell the world that they are on EE, have 475 unread WhatsApp notifications (474 of which are about drinkies with your girlies) and are suffering from a battery with only 23% left.

They will even know that it is 5:23pm. Wonderful.

‘Butt I dont no how to make it public hun.’

All you have to do is change the privacy on the post until you see a little picture of the whole world. This means that the whole world can see it. Like everyone. For real. Seriously.

Therefore, if the intrepid little Gordon decides to bugger off from Basildon and seek pastures new in Outer Mongolia or the unforgiving wilds of Chile, there is a good chance that someone will spot the little guy.

Naturally they won’t be able to get in touch with you because your profile will bear no resemblance to your actual identity, calling yourself Kay Kay Boobies McTavish or something.

You’re not getting notifications either of course, so Gordon is basically fucked.

Do us all a favour and lock his cage next time.

To be fair, even after making it public you will still get people telling you that they can’t figure out how to share it.

The whacking great bastard button that says ‘SHARE’ would usually be a giveaway, but then again we are talking about the same generation of people who type ‘F’ when they want to follow a post because they can’t see the button stating ‘Turn on notifications for this post.’

You can even guarantee that someone will post ‘SHARED IN <<INSERT LOCATION THAT IS 6000 FUCKING MILES AWAY>>.’